For me, this has been a rather unique breath of nothingness over the last few weeks. After the changes with my main client, I kept going to the office. I was seeking what I should be doing, scraping together client work, and trying to figure out “what next.”
The Kruses moving here, provision coming to me from random places, and a general unfruitfulness with most of my busyness, I began to understand that it was a time to do…nothing.
So, I have been getting up, praying, getting ready and going to Panera (I moved all of my stuff out of the office entirely). Sitting at Panera, coffee with the Kruses, and networking on the phone have been my most frequent activities, but most of my waking hours have been spent praying in my spirit. (Terry enlightened me further with 1st Corinthians 2:6-14 as to the power and implications of praying in the spirit.)
I feel that so many areas of my life are coming to a close. I feel doors shutting in my heart, like steel doors clamoring sealed on many things. I feel as if I have been standing at the mouth of a cave, facing out over a tropical vista, and a steel door clanging loudly behind me as it seals off the cave.
I do not know what that means, but that is how I feel: released.
I feel released.
When I put the last item from the office into my car and made my way to Panera for the first time in ages, I felt further release. I felt a return to the mentality I had when I moved here; I have a gentle apprehension about what God is ending in my life, a soothing peace about not doing anything right now, and total excitement about what is coming next.
And other than that, I know…nothing.
I feel good; living in the middle of the now…at least for a season.